Why the world needs more QPOC/POC herbalists and healers

I'm a firm believer that those who live at the intersections have a deeper and better understanding of the wants/needs of a larger number of folks. As a queer person of color interested in traditional healing, I know that I'm walking this path with few others that look like me. I've seen the classrooms and websites. I know that POC aren't clamoring to get into a “profession” where there aren't any certifications and there aren't any guarantees that you'll even break even, let alone be balling out of control.

I get it.

But, this is my path.

I was always coming up with remedies as a kid. Giving advice to family members. The little doctor that could. I went on to school to do pre-med and I became the little doctor that couldn't...or wouldn't. I just didn't understand why it had to be so grueling and was not willing to put myself through 6 more years of anxiety. When I went on to study health advocacy and was diagnosed with lupus...I began to understand why medical school wasn't for me. As “allopathic”/conventional medicine failed me, I turned to herbalism and homeopathy. I knew I needed a more holistic approach. The specialists weren't addressing the root of my problem. They were only concerned with suppressing symptoms. How does that sound right to anyone?

Through vegetarianism and trying to address symptoms for my chronic illness, I learned more about my body and maintaining balance through diet, supplements, exercise, etc. I became more and more interested in food as medicine. It seemed to me that the root of many people's illness is due to diet (not just our choices, but contaminated foods) and our environment. As I struggled to find what aggravated dis-ease in my own body, I began to see some commonalities in food allergies that I shared with other sufferers of autoimmune disorders. I experimented with raw food, gluten-free, dairy-free, low sugar....you name it. I took more vitamin D and more B-12. I took multivitamins and pro-biotics. There was so much information out there and not too many people I could trust for answers. If I had known a brown or even queer herbalist at the beginning of this journey...it might have been easier.

Why a queer brown herbalist? Because studies show (and trust me, I've studied this extensively) that brown folks and queer folks do better at helping brown folks and queer folks. No, it doesn't eliminate all the discrimination and bias...but it does lessen it quite a bit.

You know, I get tired of folks talking like brown folks are new to herbalism. This knowledge was stolen from our people. Truth. Look at most of the pharmaceuticals, they use herbs as major components and add synthetic filler. (Ex: Willow bark in aspirin). Native Americans, Africans and other Indigenous folks had it on lock. Healers worked with plants and addressed you emotionally, spiritually and physically. The colonizers were the ones who decided to split mind, spirit and body. So now we've got to go to a psychiatrist, a preacher, AND a doctor.

Ahh me duele mi codo thinking about that.

In other words, it hurts to think about paying an arm and a leg for all these separate services.

The healers I know are versed in chinese medicine, medical astrology, herbalism, Ayurveda, the chakra system...all kinds of healing modalities. Not because they are interested in the next new age craze, but because they are invested in knowing as many ways as possible to heal and know that the ways overlap and intersect.

So maybe many of our People may not trust traditional medicine. We barely want to even go in to see a doctor, right? Well, while I think that herbalism and other kinds of medicine can be potentially for everyone, I understand why some people don't want to mess with it. Especially with the mistrust we have of the medical establishment due to some flagrant atrocities like sterilization, experiments like Tuskegee, etc. But, I think that may be even more reason for our community to turn to alternative healing practices.

I love that today more and more folks of color and QPOC are becoming doulas, acupuncturists, herbalists, etc. I'm optimistic that we are going to heal our community from the core. Barriers to positive physical health due to bias and discrimination need to be eradicated. In the meantime, for those of us who are called to do this healing work, let's get the education needed through programs, community skillshares, and elders. Why wait around for “anti-racist” doctors, allies, and the medical system to make changes when we can look to our own community for wellness (culturally relevant healing!).

That said... I am fundraising for a community herbalist program. I want to be a co-creator of this vision for a queer and POC community that is physically, spiritually and emotionally well. I have some ideas for how I want to use the knowledge attained from the herbalist program. I want to:

• provide a blog detailing my journey as an herbalist
• create a quarterly zine sharing knowledge learned, dedicated to health and food justice
• Organize a collective of holistic healers whose focus will be to provide culturally appropriate, affordable care to people of color, the queer community, and low/no-income folks
• Organize a holistic health event free to the public designed to provide information on different healing modalities and promoting healthy, culturally appropriate diets.

You can read more about the vision here:

http://www.gofundme.com/communityherbalist

I hope that you'll join me in being a co-visionary and spread the word about the need for more Q/POC holistic healers in our communities.

Maybe you've even felt called to become one. Let's create this new Reality and be Whole again, individually and as a community.

Decolonizing Gender in Our QPOC/POC Community- Reclaiming Oldways Starting with Concepts of Gender

Well, well. It's been quite some time. I've been on the grind working on submitting plays, applications to programs, finishing a novel and anthology, “organizing” in the community for food justice, food sovereignty, economic and health justice, among many, many other things. I've got a lot to talk about but today I feel drawn to talk about queer people of color and views on gender.

I came across some posts a few weeks ago about the way that certain masculine of center folks want to be addressed by male pronouns or to their children as dad or to their friends as bro/brother. There seemed to be consensus on this particular thread that this wasn't ok and that these “MOC's” were “trying” to be something they weren't or that they needed to “try” harder if they couldn't pass with others. Lots of policing around gender expression happens in the queer community. I used to think that because we were queer or identified as LGBT that we had this innate ability to be more understanding about variance in our community. But, this was and continues to be a detrimental assumption. After all, what is the queer community but a microcosm of society with all (and maybe even more of) the same ailments of the community at large (of course with some variation and nuances). Sometimes queer people of color can be the least forgiving. Not all the time, but sometimes. Especially when it comes to gender. Perhaps if we knew a little bit more about how our conception of gender came about and our true history, we'd let go of rigid western european views and embrace a more comprehensive view of ourselves, as our ancestors did.

First, let's get on the same page. This is from good old Wiki and good enough for our purposes, I guess:

A gender role is a set of social and behavioral norms that are generally considered appropriate for either a man or a woman in a social or interpersonal relationship. There are differences of opinion as to which observed differences in behavior and personality between genders are entirely due to innate personality of the person and which are due to cultural or social factors, and are therefore the product of socialization, or to what extent gender differences are due to biological and physiological differences.Gender roles differ according to cultural-historical context, and while most cultures express two genders, some express more. (Androgyny, for example, has been proposed as a third gender. Other societies have been claimed to have more than five genders,and some non-Western societies have three genders –man, woman and third gender.)Gender expression refers to the external manifestation of one's gender identity, through "masculine," "feminine," or gender-variant or gender neutral behavior, clothing, hairstyles, or body characteristics.

Our (Hir)story

The way our community views gender today is not rooted in our (read: POC) traditions. During colonization our traditions were repressed and during slavery, western patriarchal notions reigned supreme. Men were supposed to keep their women in line. Men were to have power over women in all spheres. Especially the “public spheres.” Westerners believe whatever gender is predominant in/controls the public sphere (i.e. business and trade, etc.) has the most power. Many have pointed out that this isn't true when applied to pre-colonial African society. Though anthropologists argue that power and authority are vested in, or come from, who controls the public domain, in African society women are involved in both the public and private domain. In pre-colonial Africa women had a role in business as well as were revered in the home. Their voice in decision-making for their communities was extremely important. Though we see remnants of this today, it seems that our society is caught up with certain types of power being “masculine” or “feminine.” Masculine power trumping feminine of course.

Our ancestors, before and during slavery, functioned with the complementarity of gender roles, meaning they "shared power" while complementing one another's  roles.

com·ple·men·ta·ry:

Combining in such a way as to enhance or emphasize each others qualities.

Though there was hierarchy in male and female roles in both the public and private sphere and some hierarchy between the sexes in some aspects of African life, it wasn't the same as the uneven balance of power in relationships between males and females in western society. We've got to abandon the colonizer's mentality and focus more on the significance of the complementary roles that our ancestors had. (This is not only true for Africa but also true in Mexico, Central and South America- and most colonized lands).

Women had the dopest roles of all as healers. In some parts of Africa, women were seen as more intuitive and closer to nature and nature is extremely important in African cosmology and spirituality. You see, Nature is respected not only because of its association with the Supreme but also because of its relevance to humankind. Imagine that! So, the fact that a woman is thought to be more attuned to nature points to her significance to the tribe as a powerful mediator and channel of the Supreme Being in a healing capacity.

So, for our ancestors, the relationships between males and females was different. Gender expression and roles were completely different. Not rigid and suffocating. Our ancestors weren't invested in the same kinds of ways that westerners/ the colonizers are in gender determining your role. There were societies in which women took on “male roles” and “maleness,” becoming “male” for certain social or spiritual reasons. There were certain Native American societies where men lived as women and women as men. Two-spirited. And this was honored and respected. People weren't expected to be polarized on either side of the spectrum for the sake of defining roles and knowing what pronouns to use.

If you look at the literature there are some societies with 3 genders, 5 genders, and more. They aren't restricted to this male-female binary which determines almost every aspect of western life. What you're going to wear. Maybe even where you can work or what position you can have. Or how much money you'll make. What bathroom to use, etc,etc. Basically- how much power you're allowed to have and how you should be treated. For better or for worse.

What a shame that people get so stuck on gender presentation and expression that they can't relate with another person. These days it's grounds for isolating people. It's grounds for aggression and injuring or killing others.

Gender Variance and Healing

Two-spirited, gender non-conforming people have a long past as healers. Dig and you'll find this out. (I'd start with Leslie Feinberg's Transgender Warriors- if you've got others, let me know.)

Being between genders- neither male or female or maybe being both, was thought to be a gift in the past, and still is considered sacred in some societies today.

In many shamanic traditions, there was the idea that combining the characteristics of both sexes and both genders could connect one to a transcendent spiritual realm. Two-spirited folks were messengers of the Creator, visionaries, dream interpreters, keepers and teachers of spiritual principles, and medicine people. They were called on to do burials, bless unions and births and perform other ceremonies. Because they embodied both Mother Earth and Father Sky and held both a masculine and feminine heart within their souls (two spirits), they were perceived as having twice the power. They were thought to be more able to be fair and to be able to see into the hearts of males and females. Since they inhabited both masculine and feminine in one body they were thought to be able to “see” with both the eyes of men and women. This made them mediators and bridges. They were also seen as mediators between two worlds- that of Spirit and the human world, as well as between partners, tribe, and nation. In older world religions, the gods and goddesses in-between genders were viewed as whole-gendered and therefore balanced.

In fact, the suppression of our gender expression can be seen as a barrier to our wholeness. Some say that two-spirited people/gender non-conforming folks are an “affirmation of humanity's pre-gendered unity”. We're the representatives of this previous form of solidarity and wholeness that was present before the split of humans into men and women. Put that in your pipe and smoke it genderphobic colonizers.

Decolonizing our Minds

We have got to continue to decolonize our minds. Forget everything we've been taught and search for the oldways. We have got to reclaim our traditions because the “education” we are getting now is not serving us. In order to survive- no, thrive- we've got to begin to care about the constant poisoning of our knowledge-base and the severance of ties to our traditions.

In Amerika, the multicultural melting pot, we are stuck on differences. Some search for commonalities. I'd like us who consider ourselves “radical” or visionary to move past this and connect to the spirits of others and see their humanity. What's truly radical is seeing that we all want happiness and that we all want to avoid suffering. The Dalai Lama once talked about how this was how he was able to relate to so many people from so many walks of life. It's not radical to point out the differences in ideologies, others faults, and why we're better/more educated/more radical than others.

What's radical is holding people within your community accountable for their transphobia, misogyny (internalized and externalized), misandry, xenophobia, racism, fat phobia, etc. Check folks. Call them out. Challenge people. Why is a transwoman funny? Why is someone who has taken estrogen or testosterone or who had had surgery more trans or more legitimate and taken more seriously than a person who hasn't? Why is it taboo for two masculine of center folks to be together? Why is it okay for homophobia to exist within trans circles? Why is it ok for transphobia to exist within the queer community? Why is it ok for a gay male to be a misogynist and why is the patriarchy recreated within the LGBT community? Why do we mostly hear from white trans folks? If trans people of color are the most marginalized and the folks being murdered at a higher rate (an astronomical rate), why is there little discussion and only support one day out of the year?

An elder transwoman on a recent trans panel discussion I was on demonstrated something profound. She took out a Tibetan singing bowl, held it tight with one hand and attempted to strike it to make it sound. There was an ugly clank. She tried again. Same. She let go of the bell and struck it and a it made a beautiful sound that continued to resonate for some time. She said that in society when people deny us our expression we are denied our authenticity and are like that bell that only clanks and isn't given the opportunity to sing. When society allows us to express our true selves and be who we are, we are able to truly sing like when she released the bell and struck it.

What are you saying, Toi?

Simply put: The policing of gender (and other identities), especially in the QPOC community, must STOP. We've got to decolonize our minds. De-assimilate. We need to know our (hir)story and reclaim the oldways. We've got to understand that our ideas on gender are limited and that they are a detriment to our community and the community at large. And we've got to hold others accountable. Including ourselves.

Afro-Genderqueer Street Philosophactivist out...

www.afrogenderqueer.com

Winning or Woes in the Workplace?

In starting this new, non-profit job I said to myself that I would bring all of me to the table. I said that now that I've got a position that I really care about doing work that I'm committed to in the community, that I wouldn't hide parts of me. I would be who I am. I stressed about this for days before I went to my first day of work. I thought about it constantly throughout that first day of training. I couldn't figure out how to say..."by the way...I'm trans." It just didn't seem to lend itself well to learning about food systems and food justice programming.

" Hey, do you have any trans people that come to your farmer's market because...I'm trans."

or

" Interesting thing that you should mention local food insecurity - I'm genderqueer."

So, I waited until the last possible moment as I was leaving work to catch my supervisor and basically...blurt it out. I think it was coherent for the most part. I had told myself that I was going to do this on the first day and that I wasn't going to wait around. As I began to talk about wanting my co-workers to know who I am and not wanting to have to leave parts of me at the door, I wonder what he thought I was going to say before I blurted out that I was gender non-conforming/ transgender. I saw his eyes kind of glaze over when I said gender non-conforming so I also volunteered the word transgender. He sat back in his chair as I continued to tell him my preferred pronouns- anything but she. His eyes were still kind of glazed over so I said "I prefer for folks to call me he, they, or just by my name." He mulled it over in his mind for a few moments and I didn't know how it had been received. He then thanked me for being comfortable enough to come out to him and said he'd ask a co-worker for guidance about how to deal with this as a director/supervisor. 

Then he said something that would continue to stress me out for the next 2 weeks+.  He said that he was going to follow my lead and leave it up to me to come out to the other 21 staff members. At first that seemed great. It took me a week to figure out that it was a lot of pressure to figure this out on my own. I thought about sending a mass email -

" Hey guys- I'm trans! Call me he or they. Thanks in advance!"

No...that wouldn't work.

I thought about telling a department at a time...or maybe one person at a time. The more I thought about this, the more tedious it seemed. And really stressful. Having to come out to one person at a time. Anticipating their reaction. Wondering if they were going to tell others- which would be welcomed if it would speed the process up a bit.

Last week my supervisor dashed to my desk before I could leave the premises to say that he wanted to walk me out of the office building. Hm. He walked me to the bus stop and we talked about my "coming out process" and how he could support. I said that I knew it was my responsibility to provide resources after coming out, and that I was working on that...but that I had no idea how I was going to come out to 21 people. I went over my ideas with him and he agreed that coming out through email wasn't a good idea and that there might be some legal issues with that.  I told him that I had also thought about coming out at the going away/welcoming party that didn't end up happening or at a staff meeting but that I felt that that would be awkward. I'd be completely on the spot and I'm sure I'd have so many questions directed toward me. That could be overwhelming.

We left the possibilities floating in the air. He reiterated his support. And as I sat waiting for the bus...I felt really alone. As I talked to friend after friend I continued to feel alone because who can really understand how crushing it feels not to be recognized for who you are (your gender!) day in and day out. 

Some days during meetings I am what I call "she'd" to death. She she she...her...blah blah...and I zone out. I zone out and shut down because I know that I should have just come out that first day to everyone so that I wouldn't have to deal with that. In my mind I have this inner dialogue about where I went wrong and then I say that I shouldn't be so hard on myself and that I'm doing alright...at least I'm out to two people and that I should be patient with myself. A few of my friends have said the same thing. But it's still hard to have two out of twenty-one who know that I'm not down with being called "she." And even the ones who know my preferred pronoun(s) use the wrong pronoun(s) when we're in mixed company, though they stay away from any pronouns when it's just us. 

I know that it's going to take time and that I'm going to have to educate people if I want to create a safe space for myself. I feel overwhelmed with having to figure out how to come out to everyone and having to provide resources on top of training and gauging the office politics.

I also feel at times that I'm asking too much of the staff or like I'm inviting them into them to join me in my fairytale or something. I say this because I know I'm not what the average person would expect a trans person to look like. (I'm not on testosterone and I have a feminine face). I know it's a stretch for them to call me "he" and that asking them to use "they" is also a stretch. I'm asking 22 people to step out of their comfort zone so that I can be comfortable. I'm potentially creating an awkward atmosphere (at least when I'm in the office). I know that it could be a good learning experience full of teachable moments leading to more understanding about diversity or whatever...but...seriously, I just want to do this social justice work and go home sometimes. It seems daunting but I know I have to do this. I can't go on being "she'd to death" and not being my complete self. Living two lives. It's not just about proper pronouns, it's about me being whole in this place that I spend the majority of my time. It's about for once not feeling like I have this big secret that is weighing me down and trying not to wince when people make assumptions about my gender and who I am.

I thought it's important to blog about these types of battles because some people truly don't realize how difficult this is, even for organizers, activists, and other folks who may be out to so many others. It's not about "just" doing "x,y, or z". There are real threats in coming out at your workplace. I am fortunate in that my workplace is a non-profit with at least one queer person (other than me) and from what I hear from my supervisor, the staff is generally open/liberal/progressive. (But we've heard that before). You never really know how anyone is going to react and keeping optimistic about their reactions doesn't exactly curb your anxiety.

I'll keep you posted on my coming out process at work. For everyone who is dealing with this right now, I just want you to know I stand in solidarity with you and I know how difficult it can be, though I realize that my situation is not a worst case scenario. I hope that you have support from friends, family, or created family or some other support group. Feel free to reach out to me at gqstreetpoet@gmail.com, maybe we can reach a solution together.

The thing about poverty...

The thing about poverty is that it actually does discriminate. "They"' will tell you it doesn't, but you and I both know that it does. Poverty seems to take an interest in certain races and ethnicities, certain sexualities, and people with a certain degree of education. Poverty more often than not informs our next steps, end goals, and the quality of our outcomes in life more than we care to admit.

Poverty isn't just about wealth. You can be emotionally and spiritually poor. You can have poor health. To say that someone just wasn't trying hard enough not to be impoverished in any of these ways, to me, sounds like either people are in denial or that they just don't "get it".

Let's start with the basics. If I can't eat food that will sustain me...if there are no grocery stores for miles and all I've got is a corner store and 3 fast food restaurants down the block...how can I be healthy? If I don't have health, how can I function? How can I not go into debt? If the schools close to me are understaffed and lacking in quality, how can I compete with people seeking the same employment who did get a quality education? And if I've got to work 3 jobs to barely survive- is that sustainable for me, my family, or my community?

Now let's add race into the mix. It's no coincidence that though there are less black and brown folks in this nation (this is rapidly changing!) that a larger percentage of black and brown folks live in poverty. This has nothing to do with boot straps and everything to do with structures, institutions and systems that are discriminatory... yes, racist. They'll say that there are laws against this and that everyone is color-blind and this is a post-racial society but you and I both know the reality. No amount of repeating these blatant lies are going to make them true...so why do black and brown folks keep on trying to buy into this? Why do they hold on to the hopes that they will hold "equal" power (through assimilation) instead of deconstructing these systems and holding on to their cultures, dignity, and integrity? Maybe it's internalized racism...maybe it's delusion. Maybe we're just tired of struggling. Our generation sure is tired. Our ancestors sure didn't have that luxury. 

How about sexuality? The LGB, and more disproportionately T, community is more likely to be in poverty. They face employment discrimination and higher rates of unemployment, higher rates of homelessness, more discrimination in health care settings. And though added visibility and the past few decades is bringing about change, it's not fast enough. The violence the LGBT community meets with on a daily basis is terrifying. And being a queer person of color makes you even more vulnerable. You encounter more police brutality, more violence from peers and the community, and more discrimination at work and at clinics and hospitals.

In this nation...the issue is that poverty is seen as a character flaw. The impoverished brought it on themselves or they may even be seen as lacking in values or morals. Or maybe God is punishing them because in America, anyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps and be rich. Everyone has opportunities. Yet...poverty is best defined as the lack of opportunities to improve one's situation. Hmm...No one wants to believe that they can't improve your situation or that they don't have opportunities. Better yet, the same opportunities as others. That's valid. But we have to open our eyes and see the reality. There are a lot of people who are struggling to survive. There are a lot of people in a cycle of generational (not situational) poverty. Sometimes it's hard to relate to what it feels like to not have your basic needs met when you've never been in that situation. This makes it easier to be detached and blame those who aren't meeting their needs.

But everyone can experience poverty. It's even more of a reality these days. Unfortunately that seems to be where the starting point is for building across differences in race/ethnicity, gender, and sexuality. Would you rather struggle alone or pull together to start a community garden, to help start a community clinic, or to improve the schools in your district? Some in this country would like us to believe that we can just turn our head and not be affected by the suffering of others. Here are some examples of the falsity of that...the rich are affected by the number of poor folks on public assistance. Companies are affected by less people being able to buy their products and services. Hospitals are affected by more emergency visits due to less people having health care insurance. If there are lower literacy rates and more people dropping out of school, there are higher crime rates which affect just about everyone. Gentrification will eventually displace more than just the lower class.

This lack of foresight will destroy (is destroying) this country.

I'm in my second term at a "national community service" organization that shall remain unnamed til I finish out my term.  In this program, you live at poverty level and serve at organizations committed to helping those in  low income communities. I'm just going to say this- there aren't a lot of black and brown folks. And a lot of them come from a privileged background. I'm fairly sure this program was designed for those who are upper middle class or upper class. It's a slap of reality that may or may not work depending on who you speak to. It's not for those who have poor health or who are already struggling and in poverty. It's for those with "cushions" and trust funds. Fair enough. Let them tough it out so they can "relate." But do they truly "get it"? Do they really get a glimpse of reality or are some just "slummin' it" and then moving on? Are they really more able to see our humanity? Who knows. All I know is that this program has been around for decades and it has had millions of volunteers willing to live a year or 2 in poverty. Maybe it's a start. Maybe it's not.

The things is...you can't just "try on" poverty. Sometimes it seeps into your bones...your DNA. Your spirit. It can even take your life. Most of the people I know are struggling. Struggling to hold on to housing or a job. Struggling to keep, keepin' on in this world in a system that simply is not sustainable. 

So - do we just stick to our corner and refuse to help others. Do we perpetuate a poverty consciousness, believing that we can't possibly give when we have so little? Do we stay distracted by chasing paper and buying into an American nightmare that we can't wake up from?

What would our ancestors have done?  

Hoarding isn't a solution to poverty. Hiding your head in the sand isn't a solution either. We need to address this from many sides (and simultaneously). And, it's not just about compassion and caring for others anymore or doing the right thing. We won't survive if we don't all get involved in this. It is so crucial that we continue to create our own solutions and support each other and learn from each other along the way. The government is slashing spending on health and human services. We can't depend on it so we might as well start to learn how to depend on each other.

Instead of complaining or feeling defeated, let's come up with some solutions for our communities...do you have some? I bet you've thought about this...leave some comments. Let's have some dialogue. Or maybe you can find a friend, colleague or community member to discuss solutions with. However the conversation gets had.

Visionaries don't need to dream

I'm pensive today. An elder/shaman/ex-black panther told me today that there's no question that I'm before my time and I've heard this a few times before from elders in different movements. As I reflect on not only what this means but what it means for me and the work I strive to do, I wonder how one avoids the pitfalls of being the square peg with radically different ideas?

How does a person with such different ideas avoid deafened ears, silencing, and even violence? "Radicals" are always seen as having a voice of dissonance. And honestly, some go against the grain to go against the grain. I feel sometimes like I never even saw the grain or I mistook it or interpreted it as something else. Sometimes I feel like I'm from another planet when folks talk strategy.  I want to think about things from a micro and macro level. I want to be thorough about taking action and what that will look like and how these actions can be sustained. Look at it from all sides and come up with multiple strategies that can be enacted at the same time. I want to provide resources for the people...but not just literature and websites or even space...how about programs, ways to heal (physically, spiritually, emotionally), and ways that the people can gain their autonomy and take on the work and not depend on any organization who, because of funding, must have an agenda.

I don't believe that there are any good solutions that just address one facet of any particular oppression. We can't parce apart trans issues from LGB issues...housing issues from labor/employment...immigration issues from those mentioned...food sovereignty from the plight of farm workers, health care from any of the issues mentioned before.  They are all interconnected. One of my favorite quotes from King is that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We might not feel like that. We might think that we have to organize within subgroups and in silos around singular issues ...but how has that been working out for us?

We have to understand what is at the core and be willing to address what is happening systemically in a real, substantial way. It's going to take more than one group to dismantle injustices with food, health, employment, immigration, etc. We need even more collaboration than what is happening now. And we can't just "educate"...we've got to figure out how to provide services. And these services shouldn't just be folks who show up with some money from outside of our community who are willing to help out for a couple years and disappear. We've got to support each other and pool our resources. We have to stop thinking of helping each other as taking away from our own survival. We have to stop allowing ourselves to operate from a place of scarcity- a poverty consciousness. And I know that selfishness and getting rich quick is part of the "American Dream"...but we're not just Americans, are we? And that dream sure feels like a nightmare with all its implications and built in expectations and definitions for what success looks and feels like. I'm sure our ancestors had another vision for us and this earth. And what does it mean if we've all got to fall asleep for this dream?

When I began to write and organize it was my way not to be silenced and my way to not be met  with indifference. I was concerned about getting issues heard. And I'm realizing that now it's about actions being seen. You can forget what I wrote. Block it out. Delete it. Erase it from your memory bank. But you won't undo what a whole community has done. It's harder to "unsee" our actions. And once a community sees its visions realized...there's no looking or going back. There's got to be something to the combination of being seen and heard. That's the true revolution. I'm not just talking about protesting - I'm talking about envisioning what you want and making it happen. Telling our stories as this happens so we can document it for future generations.

Internalized oppression can make us feel like things will never change. That we're not worthy or capable of creating change. It can contribute to us lashing out at those in our community who want to help us. It can make us critical of our family members...our children. It can make us skeptical of visionaries. It can even contribute to us working against change. Sometimes if we've never seen something before, we don't think it can happen and that is to our detriment. Change doesn't come from old ways of thinking or old patterns of being. Why do we hang on? You can't say we're comfortable. In my opinion, it's because we don't want things to get worse. We don't necessarily like it the way it is, but we're not trying to take steps backward or give up what little we have. And those who benefit from the system being the way it is- well, obviously we know why they want to keep it the same. (Those who are aware of it anyway).

I know we're busy. We're tired. We're upset. We're disillusioned. We're wounded. But this generation has got to heal and come together to address what's going on if we are to survive. Sometimes it's so hard because we're trying to shake hands with clenched fists and trying to hug others without letting go of holding only ourselves. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to put an end to the Struggle and though I'm not sure what that's going to look like, I'm not so convinced that it can't happen that I won't venture to envision what it will look like and take to make it happen. I don't have to see the top of the mountain to know it exists. Does it hurt more to have to go to sleep for the "American Dream" or to wake ourselves up to realize what should be everyone's reality.

California: Take Two- Outer Struggle and Inner Peace

I'm back from almost a month in various parts of the Bay. I spent time in the mountains, at the river, at the beach, at a huge sustainable farm at UC Santa Cruz, at a retreat center in Woodacre, in the East Bay, and a very brief amount of time in San Francisco.

California. Yes, the same California where in 2011  for half a year I was a witness to Occupy Oakland, "O.G." Black Panthers, Co-ops and collectives, anarchists- white and QPOC, and an overwhelming sense of..."The Struggle". The struggle to survive in the face of multiple fronts of injustice. Economic, food, environmental, health. The struggle to hold on to parts of our cultural identity in the face of assimilation. The struggle against antagonistic police and law enforcement- a repressive police state.

 I often wonder why organizing on the East coast and the West coast seemed so different to me. On the West Coast there seemed to be a different kind of awareness and urgency. The boiling point had already been surpassed and education and empowerment seemed to be happening in very different ways. The conferences and symposiums I'd come to appreciate in NYC I'm sure were happening in the Bay. But, action was happening on some other level. Oppression was being tackled from all these other angles, no doubt influenced by organizing that happened back in the 60s. Groups in Oakland and LA and various other parts of the state were beyond fed up. Picketing and protesting were one tactic, but designing programs to support our communities became another. Writing about the struggle and disseminating information about how to protect ourselves and keeping us informed about truth and the lies we were subjected to were another tactic.

As I continue to learn more about organizing and continue to form the core of who I am as an "activist" I have to say that I have learned a great deal from my compas, comrades, created family and extended community over in the Bay. When I went back I had all these ideas about what orgs I wanted to visit and who I wanted to get involved with right away for the time I was there- and...well, most of it didn't happen. Folks were too busy organizing or traveling and at first I felt a bit deflated. But then I remembered the main reason I'd come to the Bay was a 6 day silent retreat for people of color at Spirit Rock. I was actually coming to the Bay- the same Bay that had made me feel so much angst in watching this very visible struggle- to clear my mind, and become more mindful and aware so that I could have more inner peace and be ready to keep going without feeling burnt out.

What?

So, last year I was told about the East Bay Meditation Center and the weekly sitting meditation and talk that they had for people of color. It was great finally getting to sit with other people of color who were coming together with the same goal of being at peace with themselves...and in the middle of Oakland, where it is badly needed. At these sits I heard about the annual POC retreat they had and months later when back in TX I decided to apply to the retreat. People are chosen by "lottery" and my name was drawn and I was excited about  the sliding scale for payment.

The retreat couldn't have come at a better time for me. So much was going on with trying to figure out if I should publish Notes from an Afro-Genderqueer and some of my other work, how I should get my writing out and who I should be writing for, and trying to find a job, and organizing with various groups and organizations. I literally couldn't think one thought without thinking three others. I wonder how many other folks of color feel this way. A good deal of the women of color I know are always pressed for time, working multiple jobs or organizing for different groups and going...and going...and going. We take on so much! It's sort of ingrained.

So after some time in Berkeley and Santa Cruz (no Oakland)- I arrived with a million thoughts and a small bag with just enough clothes to make it through 6 1/2 days of the silent retreat. There were so many POC! The teachers were all POC and their dharma talks addressed issues specific to us POC and a few of the teachers were QPOC. In those 6 1/2 days I worked through a lot of emotions, memories, and patterns during our hours and hours of sitting and walking meditation. Our meditations focused on being compassionate to ourself, forgiving ourself and then forgiving and being compassionate to others. Our thinking patterns are key to our actions- this is why awareness and mindfulness are so important. If we are aware of the negative thoughts we have about ourselves and others, we can empower ourselves to change them and then we can experience inner transformation and contribute to outer transformation of our communities. With less toxic thoughts about ourselves and others we can let go and have a new established freedom. Now we can form more positive thoughts, and therefore actions which brings us closer to inner and outer peace and better solutions for injustice in our communities. If we are more aware of what's within us and what's happening outside of us, we can have more clarity and take better actions to end the oppression experienced. If we try to tackle outer struggle while dealing with inner turmoil our decisions are tainted, our judgement clouded and the outcomes are not as effective or sustainable.

After the retreat, I went to the Center for Agroecology and Sustainable Food Systems at UC Santa Cruz for a week. There's a six month apprenticeship that addresses different aspects of the growing process, maintaining farms, and food justice. I have been committed to food and health justice for a few years now and being on that farm cemented my commitment to sustainable foods, community gardening, and continuing to spread knowledge about the healing power of foods and the empowerment gained from food sovereignty. I met such proud and committed folks who were happy to be working hard on the farm and acquiring knowledge in that space that they would take out into the world, making significant contributions and facilitating change in various communities.

While on the farm there was a Youth Day that was truly inspiring. Youth from different parts of Cali who were involved in various food justice groups came to do workshops with apprentices on the farm. I led two workshops on poetry and writing for social justice/healing/empowerment. At the end of the day we came together to eat and some migrant workers told their stories.We then rallied and talked about the importance of continuing to do this work in our communities and not to become complacent after receiving this knowledge.

Who knew I'd go to California to learn to let go, find a new sense of self and be revitalized to do more organizing and healing work. Thinking back, it all makes sense. I am nearing the end of a transition and now I'm at the jump off point for the next phase of philosophactivisting. We can talk, read, write, and theorize all day long, but at the end of the day- what are we willing to DO? Are we willing to take action? And most of all, are we willing to work on ourselves? It's easier to push our own needs aside and address the needs of others. But we've got to take care of ourselves. We've got to address the inner struggle as well as the outer struggle. Many say there is no outer peace without inner peace. As I take these lessons in stride, I know that it's a new era for me as far as my organizing and writing. With added clarity, I am ready to build more bridges, create more paths, and have a new level of self-acceptance and inner peace. The Struggle continues but with these new tools and a fresh perspective, it's no match for any of us- including You.

Next time I'll talk about my Healing from Internalized Oppression workshop for Allgo's Statewide QPOC Annual Activist summit! 

A Very Brown QueerBomb Experience

QueerBomb is series of events that occurs over a weekend during Pride month as a way to unleash ourselves from the now very consumerist LGBT Pride and reclaim our radical queer history. This year was its 3rd year and the organizers pulled out all the stops. An estimated 5,000+ people were present for the march up Austin's Sixth street.  But I'll get to that later. I will  go ahead and say that the parade and after party were phenomenal...but that's not what we're here to talk about.

I want to talk about my experience as one of the handful of brown folks to be present at the main event at Pine Street Station. A bunch of organizations, collectives, zines, etc. pulled out some chairs and brought our goods and wares with us to promote, awaken, and all that good stuff.

There were 2 tables out of...I'd say 20ish, that had a specifically QPOC audience- allgo (the TX statewide QPOC organization) and KwueenShadez QPOC magazine who doubled up with my Afro-Genderqueer books and Genderqueer Street Philosophactivist website. Our table was on the opposite end of Allgo, but shared a table with B.E.T.C.H. zine, which is feminist and sex-positive, which was cool.

I arrived on the scene super early to set up. My partner in crime and I had carefully thought out what we wanted our table to look like. We were going to write out all these issues that were important to the QPOC community and post them all over our golden table cloth. I set out my books and chapbooks and our zines and was set. My excitement had been building all week.

People started to be let in an hour after I got there and I was all set to discuss our zine. As people would stop by the table and look at the issues we'd written "Health Justice" "Prison Reform" "Post-Racial? Post-Queer? Society. Let's talk about it" "Education Reform" "Diversify your circles", "Be an Ally" etc. - I'd give them the schpiel about our zine written by Queer People of Color and talk to them about some of the articles. Then I'd tell them about my blog and my books...and they'd smile and nod and walk on. I did social experiments. Adding phrases like "Queer People of Color" and taking it off. Maybe it was threatening? Then I put up a sign to elaborate that the issues they were looking at on the front of the golden table cloth were issues that our zine and my blog and books talk about. Still threatening...oh ...ok.

It seemed that people seemed to be turned off by 1.Black and Brown folks on the cover of our zine. 2. My blatant title of my book containing "Afro-Genderqueer". It just really seemed like the sea of white folks that were there just didn't think this information was of interest to them...and maybe that it wasn't particularly for them. I'm not sure if either of these is better than the other. They'd give that all knowing-that-isn't-for-me-though-nod when I started talking about our articles or my blog that spoke about the intersections of race, gender, or sexuality.

I experimented, in fact. I stopped saying the zine was written by queer people of color and vaguely talked about the articles...and didn't make a whole lot of a difference because of who was on the cover. Also, I stopped saying race when I talked about my books, just to see what they'd do. I started saying I wrote about "social justice"...ha! These "radical" white queers were still off-put by my moniker Afro-Genderqueer. OK.

I got frustrated...but for every frustrating interaction there were a few positive ones. Like having Monkeywrench (one of our radical bookstores) say they wanted to put our zines in their store. Yesss!

As I'm thinking through these interactions -- I am disturbed by how many times I thought that maybe we didn't belong at QueerBomb. Maybe this wasn't the space for us. Hmm...how many brown folks  also felt like that and so didn't show up to the entire event.

Sigh. Post-Racial....society? Why did my friends and I have to go and stir things up and talk about race? That uncomfortable thing...race. Cuz you know...Austin is colorblind. Ridiculously colorblind. Frustratingly colorblind. So much, in fact, that they can't see the color of the folks living on the eastside in poverty or the issues that disproportionately affect people of color in this oh-so-liberal and progressive town. Those people they can't see...because we're all the same. You know...we're all equal- or something.

It's an age old story for the queer community. For decades queer people of color have been like stepchildren because we keep bringing up pesky issues that affect us like food justice, health care reform, increased violence, unemployment, and you know...all those things that happen to the underprivileged a little more than average. Oh oh...that's a class thing - some radical queers will say. Uh huh. It's not related to our race at aaaall. Why can't we just be quiet? Stop being (or looking?) so angry? Why can't we just get behind gay marriage and all those things that affect middle and upper class white gay males.

But I want to ask THIS question. Why can't they just get behind US and OUR issues? Is it because those are "our problems"? Is it because they are uncomfortable admitting that they exist? During the rally a black, lesbian organizer spoke to these issues and I was SO overjoyed after 2 hours of the issues that concern me being ignored...being invisible to hundreds of white queers....NOW they couldn't ignore this! She had the mic! She had the mic! I yelled in support of this sister who was callin' it like it was. Yea, I didn't get to read my poetry...I didn't get to read from my book like I'd asked to, to get these issues out there- but ...she did it!

Which brings me to another thought. 

I know lots of people don't like poetry. I know that a lot of times it doesn't have the same significance. I also realize that people don't like to read. But, take into account the way that words have become a vehicle, an elixir, a cura, a way to keep history and so much more for the voiceless and marginalized. At the Black Transmen Advocacy Conference an elder stated that we had to remember so we wouldn't become obsolete. I feel like that's what has happened in the queer community. Brown folks have been pushed out and now the folks still involved are like the last folks standing. I won't get into my analysis on that here...but I will reiterate that the issues of QPOC which are issues of survival are not necessarily the issues of mainstream queers and this has caused a chasm that I used to try really hard to build a bridge across- and don't get me wrong, I'm still a bridge-builder but I am not going to go fund the project and buy all the supplies AND build it for someone to smile at and light on fire, anyway. That's all I'm saying.

So what would I have liked to have transpired? 

I would have liked for some allies to actually have engaged with us in conversation and have picked up the books and looked through them. (And a handful actually did!) I think it's really peculiar how all POC and QPOC are unwittingly and unabashedly forced to know about white/white queer culture but that white folks have the privilege to just turn their head and invisibilize us and our culture. We can be completely disregarded- and that's ok because we're doing brown people stuff. Not many QPOC appropriators, though- which is ok by me. I mean...besides some of the hipsters who'd like to appropriate some of our poverty and places of residence. I'm sure I saw a lot of them the other day.

Sigh. So disappointed.

For the past 2 years there have been QPOC events associated with Queer Bomb and this year...nope. Nada. It shouldn't just be on QPOC to notice who isn't represented at this huge event. Ah, but maybe the committee is colorblind, too. Is it not intriguing that there were probably .005% POC out of 5,000 folks??
Maybe  we will just have to keep having separate events. Segregated like so many metropolitan cities here in TX. To each their own. And white queers will say we did this to ourselves. That we didn't want to be a part of it...but I'd assure them there's more to it. From language (not many of us call ourselves queer or even LGBT) to personal interactions and being grossly underrepresented...QPOC aren't showing up for a plethora of reasons. And I guess WE'RE the ones that have to come up with a solution,right? Now tell me what's easier, being an integrationist or having your own event? *Shaking my head. Lots of people of color don't have it in them to fight this fight when they are trying to survive day to day. I mean, we're already fighting assimilation and now we've got to turn around and fight that within our queer communities simultaneously? Fight  to correct the assumption that Stonewall was about a bunch of white gay dudes who picked a fight. Fight to be heard when our issues take a back seat to what the white middle class thinks LGBT want and need. Fight for our own expressions of sexuality, or committment to religion, etc. to be acknowledged and respected? Fight racism in a sub-community when we already are fighting it day in and day out in the larger community?

I don't think so, Willis.

So white anti-racist organizers...who are also queer...please get on this. The queer community is really missing out by discounting a large part of the populace. Life ain't Will and Grace or L Word with a few glimpses of Tasha.



And I think I'm done here...